You really coming over, don't trick.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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