Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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