i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
