The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
there is glitter all over my balls
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