the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
