Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize