i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
