my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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