Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
