I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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