two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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