Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
