Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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