You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
