I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
