so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
