Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
