I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
