She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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