birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
