ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
