i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
