Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
