something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
