THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
