I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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