No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
