She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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