Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
