I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
