How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
