life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
