hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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