Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
false alarm. still invincible.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
