My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This toilet bowl is my home.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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