there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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