sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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