The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
