you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize