we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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