Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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