Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
