..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
