Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
