There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
