dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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