There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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