I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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