Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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