Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
