Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
