bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
