Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
