who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
