yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize