There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
