It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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