Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
why do cheetos always look like penises
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
