she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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