If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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