Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
