totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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