I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
