There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
